Career

Life’s not Fair and 6 Other No Bull-#$*% Facts of Life

Ever heard of a bad beat? If you’re not a poker player, you probably haven’t. A bad beat is when a player with a dominating hand loses to a player with a weaker hand because they were dealt a specific card.

Most people think poker players remember the big hands they won, but it’s the opposite, they remember with amazing accuracy the bad beats. Go to any poker game, and it won’t take long before the bad beat stories come out. 

Check out this video to see a perfect example of a bad beat:

https://youtu.be/PbYh2gSlHuM?si=MaIm3xHXje3pB4eG

The worst bad beat is like the video above, when the other guy needs one specific card on the river to win, because the odds of a player hitting the perfect card is only 2.2%. 

I’ve played a lot of poker, and I can tell you a bad beat feels like getting punched in the stomach. Why does it hurt so much? Because, you’ve played the hand perfectly and now you have a 98.2% chance of winning, then the miracle card is dealt and you lose. 

In other words, it’s not fair that you lost. 

We don’t like it when life’s not fair but it’s a fact of life that’s as certain as water being wet. The sooner we as men come to grips with that fact, the less time we’ll spend being miserable. 

There are actually 7 no-bullshit facts of life that all men need to come to grips with to avoid being miserable. 

7 No-Bullshit Facts of Life

  1. You’re not the center of the universe
  2. There are no shortcuts to weight loss, getting in shape, getting out of debt, raising great kids, having an awesome marriage, or building a successful business.
  3. Life is not fair
  4. The government is not the answer to your problems. They can only provide a temporary, substandard bandaid.
  5. Nothing is free. If you didn’t pay for it, some else did, whether they wanted to or not.
  6. If you broke, you ain’t busy
  7. Every man must eventually learn how to solve his own problem

Those 7 facts are as certain as gravity, so learn how to leverage them to become the best version of yourself instead of wasting your life complaining how tough your life is. 

How to Deal with Conflict at Work

Workplace conflicts can be serious or silly. Here’s a hilarious story from Buzzfeed about a minor situation that got out of hand: 

“Someone kept on stealing my food, so I put laxatives in it. Apparently, the guy had a huge meeting and spent it in the bathroom the entire time; serves that dumb ass right. He came up to me, threatening to tell HR. I shrugged my shoulders, said I was constipated, and didn’t expect someone else to eat my food.”

Guys, that’s not the best way to handle a conflict at work, but it does show the lengths people will go to when a dispute isn’t resolved.

You can be the nicest, most agreeable guy in the world, but you still won’t be able to dodge getting involved in a dispute at work. If conflicts are as certain as death and taxes, you need to learn how to deal with it instead of avoiding it. That’s why I want to teach you a few skills on dealing with them as soon as possible.  

You need to develop these skills because the stakes are high when it comes to dealing with conflict. Get it wrong, and you’ll miss out on promotions, and it might even cost you your job. 

Dee’s Threes

Yank off the Band-aid! 

When I was little, I hated taking off a band-aid. I tried to do it slowly because I thought that was the least painful way. I eventually learned that doing it quickly hurt less and got it over with quicker. That same principle applies to dealing with conflict.

Don’t wait. Deal with conflict when you get the first hint that something might be wrong. Go to the people involved and ask a simple question “Is there a problem?” Or you go to the person who offended you and say, “Can we talk? That conversation didn’t go well, and I want us to figure out a better way to communicate.” 

Remember, the sooner you get to it, the sooner you get through it. 

There are two sides to every story. 

95% of all conflicts are the result of insufficient information. Specifically, someone has only heard part of the story. People come up with all kinds of ideas when they don’t have all of the data. I can’t tell you how many conflicts I’ve been able to quickly solve when I gave everybody involved all of the information.   

Also, don’t take sides until you hear the whole story. People don’t necessarily lie, but they will usually tell a version of what happened in the way that makes them look the best. So be careful of taking somebody’s side before you have all the facts.  

Focus on issues, not people. 

Don’t make it personal. Instead, talk about behaviors and actions. Guy, using the right words can help de-escalate the situation and find a solution that works for everyone.

Here are tips and techniques you can use to help solve the conflict.

  • Paraphrasing: You repeat back what the other person has said in your own words to be sure you understand the issue.
  • Acknowledge the other person’s feelings: You can understand their feelings, even if you disagree with their perspective. You can say something like, “I know you’re angry, and I want to understand why. Can you explain?”

BONUS: Here’s what NOT to do. 

  • Threats: Threats are never acceptable, no matter what the other person says or does. If you feel yourself losing control to the point you’ll threaten the other person, walk away. 
  • Absolutes: Avoid using phrases like “you always” or “you never.” 

I’m an excellent example of what happens when you either don’t start conflicts at work or know how to handle them when it happens. 

I’ve changed jobs a lot. I mean a lot! One of the reasons I can get interviews for jobs I’ve never done is that I’ve earned a reputation for being an easy guy to work with. Or, at the very least, I don’t cause drama. If there is a problem, I face it quickly. Especially if I’m the one who caused the problem. 

WRITE it down to avoid forgetting important information

WHAT?

I decided to start using a paper planner this year instead of the calendar and Reminder apps on my phone. So, I bought a Day-Timer set, but then I found this pocket-sized calendar on Amazon for $12.00 (scroll to the bottom for a link). It met my three criteria; fit in my pocket, have both a monthly calendar and daily with enough room to write on.

Why did I make this change?

SO WHAT?

Have you ever considered the benefits of writing things down? Here are a few:

Studies have shown that the physical act of writing by hand stimulates the brain in ways that typing on a phone or computer keyboard cannot.

Writing things down helps you to organize thoughts and information. When you write something down, you are forced to process the information and organize it in a way that makes sense to you, which in turn helps you remember and recall it more easily.

Another benefit is writing helps you focus. When writing by hand, your brain is forced to focus on the task at hand, rather than getting distracted by an email or text notification.

Writing by hand requires the use of motor skills and that helps to encode information more deeply into your memory. This fact is backed up by research that has shown the physical act of writing activates the different parts of the brain that control learning and memory.

Lastly, writing by hand can be a more enjoyable experience. Using a pen or pencil can be more satisfying than typing on a phone or computer, making it more likely that you will continue the discipline.

NOW WHAT?

Writing things down has tons of benefits. It can help you organize thoughts and information, improve focus and concentration, activate different parts of the brain that aid in learning and memory, and be a more enjoyable experience. Next time you need to jot something down, consider reaching for a pen and paper instead of your phone.

PS

I use a pencil instead of a pen when I write things down in my calendar because of a great saying I heard years ago, “Write Your Plans in Pencil, Then Give God The Eraser”

PSS

Here is a link to the calendar for those of you who want to join me in using paper to organize your life.

3 Keys to success in any job/career

What?

Have you ever listened to “Sweet Home Alabama” and wondered who the Swampers were?

“Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers

And they’ve been known to pick a song or two (yes they do)”

The answer is they were a group of session musicians who started at Fame Studios, then opened Muscle Shoals Sound recording studio. Their official name was the Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section, but Leon Russell gave them the nickname The Swampers, and it stuck.  

One of the founding members is bass player David Hood, and he’s had a long career playing with everybody from Willie Nelson to Wilson Pickett. 

One day a young guitar player/songwriter named Jason Isbell asked David how he always got to work with such great artists. What was his secret? Here’s what David told him, “My gear always worked, I was on time, and I had a good attitude”. Isbell didn’t believe him then, but after several years in the music business, he knew David had been telling the truth.

I told you that story to introduce the three keys to success in any job or career. And they are the same three David Hood used. 

So What?

Every guy wants to succeed at his job. It doesn’t matter if he’s a neurosurgeon or a heavy-equipment operator. There’s something in every guy that pushes him to be the best. 

Have you ever wondered how two men can start a career with identical training, but one of them ends up more successful than the other? You would think identical training would create identical results, but that’s not how it works, so the question is what makes the difference? 

Are there a few core competencies that will allow any man how to succeed in any job?

Now What?

The answer is yes. There are three keys to success in any job or career.

Be Disciplined

Be Organized

Have a Positive Attitude

My list tracks precisely with the three reasons David Hood said were why he kept getting hired. 

His gear always worked (organized)

It’s hard to get much done if you spend your day rushing around like a dog chasing his tail. You need to know what needs to be done and in what order. I use a $.35 spiral-bound notebook to keep myself on track throughout the day. The first thing I do when I get to work is to review the previous day’s to-do list and then write out what I need to get done that day. 

Pro Tip- Identify your frog. 

This comes from the productivity advice based on the idea that if you knew you had to eat a frog before you went to bed, you’d be wise to do it first thing and get it over with. Now apply that to your to-do list. After you finish your to-do list for the day, find the item you dread the most and do it first.  

He was always on-time (disciplined)

There’s a lot to be said for showing up on time. Any guy can be on time. It’s a matter of discipline. And when you develop discipline in one area of your life, it will spill over into every other area. In other words, if you can’t get out of bed and make it to work on time, it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever be great at what you do. 

Good attitude (positive attitude)

A friend of mine was a touring musician for a lot of years, and he put it best “the greatest guitar player in the world isn’t worth it if he’s a jerk”.

Never overestimate the power of a great attitude. Don’t be the guy who is always complaining or going to the boss with small, insignificant issues. 

That’s it. Any guy who incorporates these three keys into his work life has to be a success. 

 

PS

I got to spend some time with David a few years ago in the control room of the original Muscle Shoals Studio at 3614 Jackson Highway in Sheffield, Alabama. Click below to hear David talk about his career in the music business, including a fascinating story about why Lynard Skynard mentioned them in “Sweet Home Alabama.”

 

Listen to my interview with David Hood



Stop Wasting Time Looking for the Easy Way Out

 

WHAT?

Life is hard. Making a living is hard. The harder you work, the more the world fights back, but that’s how it’s supposed to be:

“And to the man He said, “Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree…….the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.” Genesis‬ ‭3‬‬

Life is supposed to be hard, and it always will be. 

But too many men exert copious amounts of energy looking for the easy button. There are tons of courses and internet influencers touting they have the “easy way,” the shortcut to life. They know a life hack that will remove all of the problems and struggles from a man’s life. So guys keep spending money looking for the easy way out. 

SO WHAT?

But it never works. All it does is piss men off, and they eventually give up.

I’m not sure who said this, but it perfectly describes how some men move through life. 

“Men used to expect life to be difficult and acted accordingly. Today  we expect life to be easy, and when that’s proven wrong, we crumble.”

NOW WHAT?

Every man needs to understand that strength in any area of his life is developed through struggle. You don’t get stronger lifting the same amount of weight for years. You don’t build up your immune system by living in a bubble. A great analogy is sailors aren’t created in the harbor but in the middle of a storm.

 

Writer Michael Hopf put it this way “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men and weak men create hard times.”

 

We shouldn’t desire the easy, instead we should desire to get stronger so that we can endure because that’s how we develop into the best version of ourselves.

Do You Know Why a Man is Successful?

WHAT?

Like the average man, I’m always looking for the “secret” of why a small percentage of men are successful. There are tons of books that all promise to have the secret. But I finally discovered the best way to figure out why a man is successful is to simply ask him. So I started meeting with men who are succeeding in life and asking them how they do it.

 

SO WHAT?

Here’s the thing, I discovered most successful men are happy to talk to you. In fact, they are just waiting for you to ask. I also found the one unbreakable rule, don’t waste their time. Show up prepared; even better, send them a list of questions you’d like them to answer.

 

NOW WHAT?

So I came up with five questions that enable me to extract as much wisdom as possible when I get a chance to talk to a successful man

 

  1. Who taught you the most about being a man, and what did they teach you?
  2. What has surprised you the most in life?
  3. What advice would you give to 18 year old you?
  4. How do you manage your time?
  5. How do you manage your money?



I’ve asked lots of successful men these questions on a podcast I used to do. 

Click to listen to some of their answers.

Decide What You’ll Never Do

Think about this scenario:

You’re at a trade show and get invited to a private after-party with an unlimited supply of free top-shelf liquor. The music is fantastic, and before you know it, you’re on the dance floor with an equally inebriated lady from the other side of the country when “IT” happens. The “IT” being she hands you her key and asks you to walk her to her room. When you get to the room, you open the door like a gentleman, and she invites you to spend the night. 

What do you do? Have you already decided? If not, there’s a chance you’ll do something stupid because ego, liquor, and being far away from home are not the ingredients of a good decision. 

Situations like this are why you must take the time to decide what you’ll never do. If you wait until you have to choose, you run the risk of being overcome by circumstances, stress, or emotions. It’s not hard; get a piece of paper or open a google doc and put this at the top:

I Will Never

Then write down every idea that comes to mind. No editing; start writing/typing, and don’t stop until you run out of ideas. The list will probably be longer than you expected and most likely will have a few common themes:

Keep your hands off other people’s stuff, especially their spouses

Pay your debts

Keep your word

Don’t take advantage of others

Moderation in all things

One of the best things that comes from deciding what you’ll never do is you can take the time to think through situations and then make a great decision. Great decisions are ones you can have confidence in which means you’ll be less likely to waver when your stress or emotions kick in. This works better than deciding from a position of fear. Not doing something only because you’re afraid you’ll get caught still puts you at risk of being overcome by stress or emotions. 

Guys, we like to think we’re logical instead of emotional when it comes to making decisions, but the truth is most men make decisions based on emotions and then try to find the logic to justify the decision. That’s why you need to decide what you’ll never do NOW.

PS

Here’s a great example of deciding what you’ll never do from the bible?

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭31:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 

Be Great at What You Do

 

‘It doesn’t matter what you do; what matters is how you go about doing what you do.”

This quote is from Nick Saban’s book “How Good Do You Want to Be?”. He wrote it after winning the National Championship while he was the head coach at LSU. He won that one in 2003 and he’s added 6 more since he became the head coach at Alabama.  It’s a great book if you want to learn how he does it.

The reason I mention it is Coach Saban is a great example of what it takes to be great at what you do.

But what about you? Do you think about how to be the best at what you do or are you more like Peter from “Office Space” and do just enough to not get fired?

The difference is all about what motivates a guy. Some people think the motivation to be great at what you do comes from external gratification. It’s true there are some benefits to being great at what you do. You’ll stand out in the crowd because competence is so rare these days. Which means you’ll have lots of chances to move up your career ladder or have other job opportunities to choose from because people have heard you’re great at what you do

But the best motivation to be great at what you do is more internal than external. It’s the simple satisfaction of a job well done, of knowing that you did the best you could. It’s an undeniable feeling that is difficult to explain but you know it when you feel it. The feeling is strong enough to make you want to experience it over and over.

But how do you become great at what you do?

It all depends on what your job is, right? Well, not really. I think there are 3 keys to success whether you’re an engineer designing a rocket or the electrician doing the wiring of the rocket

Dee’s Threes
Keys to Success in any Job/Career:

  • Be disciplined
  • Be organized
  • Have a positive attitude

Be Disciplined
This means you do what needs to be done whether you feel like it or not. I’ve had jobs I loved and jobs I hated. Both of them had tasks I didn’t like but had to be done.

Here’s what my favorite TV dad Red Foreman says about this. Click to watch

Be Organized
Most jobs have more to do than you think you have time to do. I work for a company that supplies parts to a major auto manufacturer. They keep such small amounts of raw material that a delay of even one day can shut them down. I have to coordinate the purchasing and deliveries of multiple outside companies to be sure we keep them supplied. It’s a lot to keep up which means I have to be organized. So I:

Write stuff down so I don’t forget.

Keep lists of important information like addresses and points of contact

Develop checklists. To be sure I don’t forget a step that could cause an interruption in the supply chain.

Have a Positive Attitude
Most jobs have days that are better than others. Some customers are better than others. A positive attitude is what makes it impossible to tell which kind of day you’re having or which customer you’re dealing with. A positive attitude is what causes you to say “we can do it” instead of “it can’t be done” when there’s a problem.

Those three keys will help any man be great at what he does.

PRO TIP

If you’re serious about being great at what you do, ask your boss to answer these three questions about your job performance:

What should I STOP doing?

What should I START doing?

What should I CONTINUE doing?

The great thing about wanting to be great at what you do is it’s one of the rare goals that isn’t dependent on others. You get to decide every day to be great at what you do. It doesn’t matter if your boss is a jerk or you’re a street sweeper, it’s your choice whether or not you’re great at what you do.

PS

“Do you see any truly competent workers? They will serve kings rather than working for ordinary people.” Proverbs‬ ‭22:29‬ ‭NLT‬‬

One More Thing

Listen to this song performed by Jimmy Buffet that’s all about being good at what you do. Then check out the interview I did with the guy who wrote the song, Mac McAnally.
What You Missed on Instagram from Playbook for Men

The time, money, and energy gauges to help a man avoid blowing up

 

When I was in college, I borrowed more money than I should have to buy my dream car, a 1981 Toyota Supra. I loved that car, but after a while, I got tired of spending half of what I made working part-time at Sears to make the payment.

 

One day a couple pulled out in front of me and totaled my car. I wasn’t happy at the time, but I got happy when the insurance company gave me enough money to pay off my loan and pay cash for a VW Scirocco. There was even enough left over to put a $99 paint job on it and a killer stereo in it. The truth is the stereo was worth more than the car. 

 

The car turned out to be a complete POS. The design of the engine and cooling system was terrible. The car drank oil like I used to drink Gatorade during two-a-day football practices, which meant I had to keep an eye on the oil pressure gauge to let me know when the oil was running low. The cooling system design was so bad and the fan so weak I had to keep an eye on the engine temp gauge to let me know when I needed to add water to the radiator to avoid overheating.

 

In other words, I had to keep an eye on the gauges to keep my crappy car from blowing up. 

 

How does this apply to my life?

 

I’ve figured out my life is the same way; I have to keep my eye on a few gauges to avoid blowing it up.

 

Here are the three gauges I watch.

 

Time

Time is your most valuable asset, even more than money, because you don’t know how much time you have left. That’s why you need to have a plan for how you’re going to spend every day and be sure you’re working towards a long-term goal. Or, to put it simply, daily execution of an annual plan. 

 

Here’s how to break your daily schedule into three categories 

  • Must-Do, or if I don’t do this, I’m screwed stuff.
  • Should-Do, or if I get the Must do stuff done, I can move on to this.
  • Could-Do or on those rare days, I get the first two categories completed I can choose from this list. 

 

Pro Tip- have no more than 3-5 items in each category.

 

Pro Tip #2- Learn to say “No,” don’t let people guilt their way onto any of your lists. 

 

Money

The problem most people have is not that they don’t make enough money; it’s that they don’t know how to manage what they do have. 

 

This gauge is all about knowing three things about money:

  • How much you make
  • How much you owe
  • How much you have

 

Most banks have apps for your phone, so there is no excuse not to know all three numbers. 

 

Pro Tip-Beware of money leaks like subscriptions you forgot you had or $12 energized teas. 

 

Energy

 

Your energy level is the gauge that will help you avoid burnout. The more you pay attention to your energy level, the more likely you are to maintain the proper balance between rest and work.

 

Pro Tip- One of the best ways to manage your energy is a 30-minute walk. Grab your earbuds, turn on some classical music, and take off. Every problem and opportunity looks different after a walk. Commit to doing this at least three days per week.

 

The SECRET

 

The secret to avoiding blowing up your life is You Must have margin in all three areas of time, money, and energy.

 

Leave time in your schedule for the unexpected opportunities to connect or serve

Don’t spend every penny you make so you’ll be able to pick up the utility bill for a single mom. Learn how to spot energy vampires. People who will suck you dry. That way, you’ll have the energy to spend time with your kids and be fully present.

 

Time, Money, and Energy will either enhance your life or implode it based on your choices. So watch your gauges and make wise choices.

 

PS

Solomon summarized the difference between the man who watches his gauges and the one who doesn’t.

 

The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence. Proverbs 14:16

How Good is Your BS Detector?

Does the name Peter Attia mean anything to you?

Peter Attia is an over-achiever. He’s a surgeon, a cancer doc, and he left medicine for a few years to join a Silicon Valley consulting firm. Now he’s focused on helping people live longer.

If that wasn’t enough, he also found enough spare time to run ultra-marathons and swim round trips from Lanai to Maui.

He’s done some stuff, but the thing that impresses me is his BS detector. It’s off the charts good. He belongs in the BS detector hall of fame because he walked away from what looked like the chance of a lifetime. A job with stock options that would have made him tens of millions of dollars.

Peter Attia got a phone call in 2006 about the job of Chief Medical Officer for a small startup company called Theranos. The company was starting to get famous in Silicon Valley because they claimed to have developed a black box that could take a drop of blood and quickly provide a report full of health data. Information like if the person had AIDS or if they were likely to develop Alzheimer’s. Theranos was the first of what was being called “lab-on-a-chip” devices that would make blood testing more accessible and cheaper.

Attia had lunch with Theranos founder and inventor Elizabeth Holmes to talk about the job. He was curious about the technology because there was nothing like it on the market, so he asked all kinds of questions about how the black box worked. The answers didn’t make sense to him, so Attia asked if he could see inside the box, and Holmes told him absolutely not. This was weird because he had to sign an NDA to even get in the building, but the answer was no.

Attia passed on the job because his BS meter was pegging out.

It turns out Attia was right. In 2015 a series of articles accusing Theranos of fraud were published in medical journals and the Wall Street Journal. All the bad publicity turned out to be the beginning of the end. After a few years of investigations and lawsuits, Theranos was closed in 2018.

But that wasn’t the end of the story. Elizabeth Holmes was found guilty on multiple counts of wire fraud.

Peter Attia avoided getting caught up in one of the biggest corporate frauds of all time because he asked smart questions, listened to the answers, and paid attention to his gut when the answers didn’t make sense.

In other words, he used his BS detector.

What is a BS detector? It’s simple, you don’t believe everything you read or hear.

Instead, you do some research. You talk to men who are experts in the field. Maybe even read a book or two or three. And for sure, you don’t invest time, money, or energy in something just because it was on Facebook.

Men with great BS detectors expect to be lied to. This is one of those depressing facts of life you wish weren’t true, but the faster you accept that it is, the better off you’ll be.

When you expect to be lied to, you learn to ask “how do you know that?”. It’s the most powerful question in your arsenal. You want the answer to involve verifiable information, and you need to check out every fact or stat you hear or read.

There is so much information available now that the only reason a man should ever get conned is because he was too lazy to use his phone for research instead of watching tik tok videos.