Workplace conflicts can be serious or silly. Here’s a hilarious story from Buzzfeed about a minor situation that got out of hand:
“Someone kept on stealing my food, so I put laxatives in it. Apparently, the guy had a huge meeting and spent it in the bathroom the entire time; serves that dumb ass right. He came up to me, threatening to tell HR. I shrugged my shoulders, said I was constipated, and didn’t expect someone else to eat my food.”
Guys, that’s not the best way to handle a conflict at work, but it does show the lengths people will go to when a dispute isn’t resolved.
You can be the nicest, most agreeable guy in the world, but you still won’t be able to dodge getting involved in a dispute at work. If conflicts are as certain as death and taxes, you need to learn how to deal with it instead of avoiding it. That’s why I want to teach you a few skills on dealing with them as soon as possible.
You need to develop these skills because the stakes are high when it comes to dealing with conflict. Get it wrong, and you’ll miss out on promotions, and it might even cost you your job.
Dee’s Threes
Yank off the Band-aid!
When I was little, I hated taking off a band-aid. I tried to do it slowly because I thought that was the least painful way. I eventually learned that doing it quickly hurt less and got it over with quicker. That same principle applies to dealing with conflict.
Don’t wait. Deal with conflict when you get the first hint that something might be wrong. Go to the people involved and ask a simple question “Is there a problem?” Or you go to the person who offended you and say, “Can we talk? That conversation didn’t go well, and I want us to figure out a better way to communicate.”
Remember, the sooner you get to it, the sooner you get through it.
There are two sides to every story.
95% of all conflicts are the result of insufficient information. Specifically, someone has only heard part of the story. People come up with all kinds of ideas when they don’t have all of the data. I can’t tell you how many conflicts I’ve been able to quickly solve when I gave everybody involved all of the information.
Also, don’t take sides until you hear the whole story. People don’t necessarily lie, but they will usually tell a version of what happened in the way that makes them look the best. So be careful of taking somebody’s side before you have all the facts.
Focus on issues, not people.
Don’t make it personal. Instead, talk about behaviors and actions. Guy, using the right words can help de-escalate the situation and find a solution that works for everyone.
Here are tips and techniques you can use to help solve the conflict.
- Paraphrasing: You repeat back what the other person has said in your own words to be sure you understand the issue.
- Acknowledge the other person’s feelings: You can understand their feelings, even if you disagree with their perspective. You can say something like, “I know you’re angry, and I want to understand why. Can you explain?”
BONUS: Here’s what NOT to do.
- Threats: Threats are never acceptable, no matter what the other person says or does. If you feel yourself losing control to the point you’ll threaten the other person, walk away.
- Absolutes: Avoid using phrases like “you always” or “you never.”
I’m an excellent example of what happens when you either don’t start conflicts at work or know how to handle them when it happens.
I’ve changed jobs a lot. I mean a lot! One of the reasons I can get interviews for jobs I’ve never done is that I’ve earned a reputation for being an easy guy to work with. Or, at the very least, I don’t cause drama. If there is a problem, I face it quickly. Especially if I’m the one who caused the problem.