When your name comes up in a conversation, do you want people to say you’re an example to follow or a warning of what not to do?
I’ve thought about this question a lot over the years. First when both of my girls were born and recently when my grandsons came along. And I know I’m not the only guy who has thought about it.
Co-founder of The Drive By Truckers Mike Cooley talked about how he dealt with the question. Cooley plays guitar and writes songs, and he wrote one that is a raw admission that as his son gets older, he’s trying to figure out if his life has been an example or warning. The song’s name is “Every Single Storied Flameout,” and it’s got a line that says, “if I’d been my own example I’d be worse.”
Here’s what he said about the song, “Even as I was trying to write it I was looking out the window at him in the driveway thinking, ‘Oh god, what are you up to now?’” Cooley recalls. “But I’ve made so many mistakes, done so many things that could’ve gone so bad, why should he listen to any advice I had……?”
I think that’s his way of saying he believes he’s been more warning than example.
Ever felt like Cooley? Wishing you had been or are being an example instead of a warning for your kids?
One thing that helps me to be an example is to think about my grandsons, Bennett and Henry, when I’m faced with a decision or temptation. I can’t imagine making a choice that would force my daughters to tell my grandsons to use Saba as a warning of what NOT to do. I’m not sure I’d ever recover from that.
But the good news is no matter how many times you’ve screwed up; you can always start over. You just have to decide you want to be an example instead of a warning.