Way back in 1892, a psychologist named Willam James said, “All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits.”
Most men think what they do every day is a series of decisions. But that’s not right. Most of what we do is a habit. A researcher at Duke University wrote that 40% of what we do in a typical day is actually a habit instead of a decision.
Think about the stuff you do every day from your morning routine to the route you take coming home from work. All of those are habits more than decisions.
Men are habit machines
So it makes sense that if you want to be a better man, you need to develop better habits.
Let’s start with the fundamental question of “Why do we form habits?”
I wondered why humans have the pre-wired ability to form a habit instead of being born with the habits built-in. I did some research and learned our brains are designed to constantly look for ways to reduce the effort required to stay alive. To automate routine tasks so men could use their brains to hunt, figure out how to defend themselves against an enemy, or find a better place to live.
By the way, men have not lost the innate drive to improve their environment so that it’s a little easier to survive. It’s just changed as the world has become more complex. Now men develop new technologies or improve existing ones to make it a little easier to survive.
I don’t know what habits Willis Carrier developed so he had the energy to invent air conditioning but I’m glad he did.
This is why forming good habits is so important and bad habits are so destructive to a man. Bad habits will sabotage your ability to do something amazing like Willis Carrier.
Here’s a secret that should inspire any guy who has tried to break bad habits but constantly relapses and loses his motivation to keep trying;
You don’t break old habits as much as you overwrite them with new ones.
But what habits does a man need to develop? Here’s a three step process to identify the new habits you need and how to develop them.
Step 1
Think about the men you admire, it doesn’t matter if you know them personally. Men who are successful businessmen, great dads, or world class husbands.
Step 2
Spend some time observing them and take notes about what they do. Pay special attention to what these men do that’s different from what you do.
- They do what they say they’re going to do. Every time!
- They correct actions/behaviors in others without denigrating the person
- When talking with someone, you can see the person has their full attention. They don’t look at their watch. They don’t respond to a text message. It’s clear that this conversation is the only thing that’s on their mind at that moment.
- They provide explanations but they don’t make excuses for themselves.
- They have control over their life and time instead of time having control of them. Their schedule is full of things and people that matter to them.
- He listens more than he talks.
Step 3
Identify the one habit of that guy that you’re going to develop this month. Just a heads up, don’t try to develop more than one new habit per month. It exponentially increases your chances for failure.
Write it down.
Tell your spouse and coworkers what it is and ask them to help you notice when you fail.
The biggest thing you need to know before you begin developing a new habit is it’s a process. First you’ll notice after the fact when you didn’t do it and think “Dang! I did it again”. Later you’ll notice when you’re doing it. Finally, you’ll progress to the point that you realize after you’ve done it and you’ll celebrate internally by saying “I did it!”
Bingo! You developed a new habit in just one month.
Now that you’re armed with the confidence you can develop a good habit, choose another new habit and start the process over
Change 12 habits over the next year you’ll be a better man.
PS
Special thanks to a successful man whose habits I try to emulate, Ron Klein, for the idea for this article,